Mental Ramblings (Part 1)

We had our graduation pictures yesterday. What about it? Well, it got me thinking about things. Again.

I’m not sure if it’s the right term, but I’ve been “re-evaluating” my life a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about what I did for the past 19 years of my life: about the things that I really love, the things that I regret doing, the things that I never want to forget, and other blahs of my life. I’ve been thinking about what I learned, what I know, and what I will know in the future. I’ve been thinking about what will happen to me in the next few months, years… then my mind goes back to the present where I have to study for international law class and work on papers for psychology and Asian political thought.

My mind’s pretty much occupied lately. Graduation jitters? Maybe.

In a few months, I’ll be graduating from political science, a course that I sometimes claim to “have learned to love.” And then I realize that I haven’t loved it yet. Maybe I’ll never love it at all but heck, I’m graduating in a few months!

I can’t say that I wasted years of my life studying things that I don’t really like. I learned a lot. I enjoyed my political science 180 series (foreign service/international stuff), I somehow liked the research part of political science, and most of all, I learned to be patient with things. I have learned to persevere, even if I somehow think that it’s impossible to finish tasks. I somehow learned how to live with pressure and treat it as a partner – especially during cramming sessions.

I’m still not sure what kind of job I’ll be going to after this. I just hope I won’t be a part of the call center work force, though I have to admit that I’ll take a job like that as a last resort.

I’ve done a lot of things these past few weeks. I joined the Department of Behavioral Sciences Coswalk (Cosplay + Catwalk) event, where I won third place. Not bad since I didn’t expect to win anything. During the rehearsals, I said to myself “I might be able to do this only once. I’ll do anything, even if it makes me look silly.” So I danced like a crazy woman on stage to the tune of All My Love (Dance Maniax).

I really did look stupid, but I had fun. Who cares? The good thing is that I did a crazy dance in front of an audience once during my college life. My future child will think that Mommy is a cool girl when she was in college.

I’ve been dressing up a bit these past few days. Japanese street fashion, sporty look (funky aerobics outfit!), ballroom look alike outfit, asshole hat blah. I just wear what I feel like wearing for that day. And I didn’t care if people stare at me. Aba, you’ll be wearing my thing in the near future! Pustahan!

I want to do new things while I’m still in college, while I’m still “authorized” to be silly for all I care. I don’t want to grow old feeling regret for not doing things while I was young. Live life to the fullest as they say.

As a whole, I learned to be me. To love myself and to be proud of who I am. I would still care about what other people will think of me, but it wont be on top of my “to worry” list. I don’t have to be somebody else for people to like me.

Madz is Madz.